Over Facetime, my oldest girl (6) told me how Mimi and Pappy took her and her siblings to Claire's to shop. As she relayed the story to me she said when she asked if she could get her ears pierced, Mimi "blurted out THE WORD." Later she would say that she and her sister were doing gymnastics off the couch when Mimi "blurted out THE WORD." I began to get the picture that Mimi wasn't quoting scripture to my kids. I was also thankful that Mimi and Pappy had set some boundaries for themselves even in my absence.
I am becoming increasingly aware of my need to "blurt THE WORD" or say "no" to things. And not just my children. Each time I say yes I am giving of my self, my time, my energy. And I've heard it said that when I yes one thing, I am also saying no to something else. So I know this is not a new concept.
There are SO MANY things to say yes to and I do. I say yes to ministry opportunities that fit my talents and gifts (and sometimes ones that do not.) I say yes to events I'm interested in, and definitely more than I actually make it to. I say yes A LOT to my children, sometimes even when I know it's not the best choice for them and usually when I'm too tired to do much more (probably because I'm too tired actually.) Each of those things take up my time and energy in one way or another. Some good, some bad.
Thinking even deeper about this, I realize that I say yes too much to Pinterest. Every time I post a recipe that's really complicated I commit myself to a longer grocery shopping trip, definitely more frustration as I shop longer with my children and then try to cook the recipe with my children underfoot. Even if I don't get that far, I give of myself to that post with the guilt that I feel for not being able to live up to Pinterest standards.
I say yes to social media WAY TOO OFTEN. I say yes by looking and by posting. Each time I look at my feed of hundreds of friends, I open myself up to comparing, jealousy, guilt for my lack, the weight of painful stories, the opinions of others (good and bad), and the list goes on right? The mental energy spent on discerning and weeding out the riff raff is truly energy that could be spent somewhere else with greater good.
Finally, I say yes a lot to myself, MY ambitions, MY goals. I battle perfectionism. Why? I haven't figured that out yet. I likely need some therapy. But it struck me how little I say "no" to myself. A late night snack. A new top. An extra dessert. Sleeping in. A complaint that makes me feel justified. Pointing out someone's flaws judgmentally (verbally or to myself.) And here's one that might surprise you: saying yes to my every ambition. For example, I am fast approaching a minimalist lifestyle for a a variety of reasons. It is an ambition of mine to own the least amount of stuff that I can. This is complicated when you have a family. We recently bought a home nearby and will be moving shortly. Of course, moving is a prime opportunity to get rid of stuff. Like a bull dog who sinks their teeth into something and doesn't let go, I have become so tunnel visioned about weeding out every little thing that no longer "brings me joy" (See Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up) that I have sunk my energy for caring for my children properly. By saying yes to that ambition, I have sadly said no to my family. Not that this endeavor is bad, but it seems to be overriding my greater mission (which I'll talk about in a minute.)
I think I am actually getting better at this though. Someone recently asked me to fill in at Sunday school and I said yes. But when they asked if I could prepare the children's lesson I said no (knowing I had to work all weekend and we're moving in a week.) Not that you should ALWAYS say no to everything. But I had the idea that I need to develop a mission statement for my life and that my "yes" should be given to things that fit my God given mission. And if I have to say no, I just need to be ok with disappointing some people but know who it is that should not be disappointed. My family needs me to not be a exhausted over-stretched wreck. (Hence saying no to preparing a Bible lesson on top of my other obligations.)
Obviously our overarching mission is to make disciples of Christ. As believers, this a pretty clear cut aspect of our mission. We desire to "Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness" knowing that all the other details of life will be sorted out by Him (Matthew 6:33). So I know I can say yes to relationships confidently because ministry happens in the context of relationships. It is through conversation and living life with others that we can share the love and hope of Christ. I lump my children into this category because they are my little disciples (not disciples of me, but disciples in my charge...you get what I mean right?) Rachel Jankovic says in her book, Loving the Little Years that, parenting ought to be more pastoral than organizational. We are our children's first pastor. Like sheep we are to guide them towards the Heavenly Shepherd. So that means saying yes to relationship with them often. But this means having to say "no" to other things that many people will not like you saying no too. I'm sure you've got a couple of examples!
It is also our job to teach our children about their mission in Christ. That takes a lot of time and a lot of effort. It is a big YES.
My last thought is to know Christ and follow Him we have to spend time in his Word and in conversation with Him. I think for me that is going to mean getting rid of the distractions and fluff that fill my life. Saying no to a social media browse. "Yes" to a Bible browse. Can you imagine how life would change if we picked up our Bibles as much as our phones? Or prayed as much as we texted? I am not being high and mighty here, I'm writing in awe of the thought, feeling convicted myself. I think it will mean less about living up to Pinterest standards and more about God's. I know how I compare to Pinterest, but how about how do I compare to Jesus?
I am hoping to start re-calibrating my answers according to my mission, focusing first on God's Kingdom. As I purge my closets, saying yes or no to this thing or that, I am going to be thinking about my yes or no's to how I spend my time, energy and mental thought processes, what needs to go and what needs to be embraced. And I plan to "blurt THE WORD" more often! ;-)
I mean if Jobs said it...
